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 My life

illustration_painting_artwork_of_Chinese_beauty_in_ancient_costume_bi716

Hello dear readers. I’m a student writing amateur books. Since I was a little girl I’ve loved dreaming, writing and painting.  This is the  first book that I’ve written. English it’s not my primary language. My primary language is Dutch. So I may make many mistakes.  Hope you enjoy it. The picture above is how I imagine An Ning will look like.

I sit across my room and keep thinking to myself why I have such bad luck. As the daughter of the prime minister I was supposed to be very lucky. Nobody will think that the prime minister’s daughter can’t have anything she wants. But that’s all what outsiders know. They don’t know my suffering. They don’t know that I’m powerless against my father. His words are law in this home. Even if I know he isn’t in the right, I’ll have to keep my mouth shut.

The only one who dare to go against my father is my big brother. But he’s a boy and the future head of the family. My father just let him be. Life is really unfair. He can do anything because he’s a boy and I can’t do this, can’t do that only because I’m a girl.Even though sometimes I’m jealous of my big brother but I love him very much..He also really loves me. When I do something bad he always speak up for me.

I also have two mothers. My real mother, my mom, the one who give birth to me, is my father’s mistress. She was a courtesan at The Blossoming Flowers. The most sought girl in the city. She was really beautiful and still is beautiful. When I was five she started living with us. Before that she was still living at The Blossoming Flowers. Her excuse was that she misses me. I know that’s a lie. But since she’s my real mother I am happy that she came to live with me.

I know  deep in her heart she’s unhappy about her status in this manor. She’s just a mistress. Not even a concubine or a second wife. She used to frequently ask my father why he doesn’t take her as a second wife since she’s the mother of the future empress.

One time they had a big fight because of this. My mom left home. But she realized she is nothing without my father. Even though she’s nothing now , but she has money to spend and a roof above her head. She came back begging saying she wouldn’t bring it up again. To my other mother she pretends to be nice. Deep in her heart she hates my mother. The other is the legitimate wife of my father, my mother. Sometimes I wish she was my real mother. She treats me better than my mom. I call my real mom “niang” and  mother “da niang” (which means first mother).

I’m the only daughter , so I’m pretty much spoiled by my family, especially by my father. Even though he sometimes irritates me to death with his laws, he does love me. Another reason why they spoil me is because I’m the future wife of the future emperor. They want to be in my good graces.

When I was born, there was a fortune-teller visiting my father’s mansion. He said to my father that I have an imperial aura. I’m destined to be an empress or a concubine. In short I’ll be the wife of the emperor.  Since that time my father officially acknowledges me as his legitimate daughter of his first wife. I must’ve been blessed for not being a bastard. If I was a bastard I’ll probably be working at The Blossoming Flowers right now. Bastard’s don’t have the right as the legitimate daughter.

My father has always wanted more power. What better way to gain it than making me the empress. So he has been plotting my engagement since then. Now I’m officially engaged to the crown prince whom I’ve never even seen. I was all right with it since I’ve been told about my future since I was six. At the time I didn’t know that it’ll be burdensome to be engaged to the prince.

When I turned fourteen I fell in love with my master’s son. He studied with me. He’s so elegant, good-mannered and a true gentleman. I told my father that I don’t want to be married to the prince but that I  to be married to another man. It’s a good thing that I didn’t tell my father who it was, otherwise he’ll be dead by now. I was forbidden to see him and got house-arrested for a month. Then I heard news that he got engaged to someone else. There goes my first love.

Now I’m sixteen, will be married to the crown prince in half a year, to be the future empress. Everyone is happy except me. So now I’m sitting in my room thinking of a way to get out of my engagement without serving everyone’s head to current the emperor. The best way will be for the prince to cancel the wedding. After all the emperor is his father. I prayed that he’ll fall really deep in love with some girl and marry her. He must hate me because he’s also forced to take someone who he doesn’t know to be a wife. He wants my father’s support and my father wants more power. I’m the scapegoat in all this mess just because of some mere fortune-teller. But I, Li AN Ning will never bow to fate given by others. I choose my own fate.

Coments: In ancient times when you offend the emperor the emperor will take your head. Here I’ve wrote: without serving’s everyone’s head to the emperor means that if she cancels the engagement, her family will be dead.

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