After battling eczema for two months, I’m finally back with a new chapter. It didn’t go away but my neck and private parts are a little better after i scrub with dead sea salt (really painful) and let it stay for about 5 minutes. But my eyes are still red and are very scaly and dry. I’m trying Graham’s eczema cream. Hope that it’ll help. Thank you for all the good wishes and advice.

“What did you say?”

“I said what if I help you overthrow the empire?”

“Why would you want that?”

“This empire has given me nothing. I hate it.”

“An Ning, it’s not that I don’t trust you, but you are in love with the emperor of this empire. Can you really do it? Beside you don’t have any power now that you’re father died. Nobody will support you.”

“Does that include the adopted son of the eight prince of first rank?”

He smiled.

“You know?”

“You were adopted at the age of eight. Before the adoption you were a slave working with horses. The eight Wang Ye saw you there and adopted you. Even though you are an adopted son, he favors you. That’s why he named you his heir. You came at the top of the imperial exam but refused the position. After refusing the position you became a thief. You are crazy.”

“Seems like you really are interested in me.”

“Yun Wen, I’m not stupid. You were able to sneak in and out of the palace. You must’ve some connection. So I did a little investigation.”

“Lee An Ning, I’m warning you, don’t mess with me.”

“Even though I think that it’s a joke that an imperial family member is the heir of the previous dynasty, I don’t care. Your past doesn’t matter to me.”

“You really have changed. “

“Nobody would stay the same after they went through what I went. So what do you think about us joining forces?”

“Fine, you help me, I help you. I’ve one condition. You must always obey my every command.”

After he left, I cleaned all of Sweet Corn’s things and put them in a chest. I didn’t cry. I only stared at them. The more I stare, the more I wanted to get revenge. I want to murder the empress dowager. No, murdering her would be too easy on her. She needs to suffer. I’ll make her feel hundreds of times worse than what I’m feeling now.

I need to be wary of Yun Wen too. He can be my friend now but he can as easily turn into my enemy. He’s a scary person. I did a little investigation on him. He was smart as a child and gained the the prince’s trust. There he worked from the bottom to the top spot in the imperial exams. Along the way he gained many admiration but also many jealousy from his brothers.

He left home at eighteen, declining the position as the top exam and begins his thieving ways. In fact I can’t understand why he would decline a position everyone wanted. In just two years he became someone every rich household feared. Nobody knew it was him. Aside from his unofficial employment, he has been handling his adopted father’s business. Making it as it is now, many feared him because he acts fast and accurate; the enemy will be dead before knowing what happened. He’s somebody who is already powerful on his own. But with as the son of the eight Wang Ye, he’s only second to the king.

I need his power as the son of the eight Wang Ye. Now nobody is supporting me. They’ll trample over me again and again if I don’t gain power now. But who’s going to support a fallen empress? Yun wen will be a good start to gain more power.
It’s ironic how I hated that my father longed for power and now I’m longing for the same thing. For them, for Sweet Corn, for myself, I must gain power.

I ordered the maids to keep their mouth shut about my pregnancy and only report to the empress dowager that I lost it. Nobody needs to know that I was ever pregnant. Especially Xuan Chen. I don’t want him to know. I must admit that a part of me don’t want to hurt him. Knowing that our Sweet Corn died will make him really sad.

Another part of me doesn’t want him to know because he doesn’t deserve to know. He’s a useless husband and a useless father. I really wish that he was a normal human being, a normal man and a normal husband. We can have a normal family. But he’s the sun, the father of this country and husband of many wives. I was a fool to think that he was only for me.

That even if he’s the emperor we can make our lives as normal as possible. Grow old together and have many children. Reality makes me realize that was a foolish dream. For an emperor the country is in the first place. Wives are only for making children. History can’t be changed just because we love each other. I need to let him go if I want revenge. Yun Wen was right. Love and revenge don’t go together.

He has chosen the country and his officials over me. Now I’m choosing revenge over him. Our love began with a mistake, a mistake that shouldn’t continue. We aren’t fated to be husband and wife in this lifetime. I’m not meant to be the wife of Xuan Chen. I’m meant to be the emperor’s wife.