The final result were out on Wednesday. As expected I couldn’t continue anymore. I was a bit down and suffered another round with my parents. I expected that result, so I wasn’t that sad. When I received the mail, I thought: I truly need to go find a new study now.

The adviser at the school said, maybe I should take a year off and think well about what I want to study. I will have more time to search and explore the studies then. A part of me want to do what she said, but another part of me don’t. I weighted the pros and cons against each other. A bit conflicting.

 

Study this year Study next year
pros pros
I’ll be a year younger when I finish the study I may find a better suited study for me
I’ll have free transport (save around 400 a year) I can work full time and gain more experience
cons cons
Insecure over the study I won’t have free transport anymore
I don’t have time to find the better suited study for me I won’t be able to face my parents for a whole year
I’ll be older

If I go study this year, there’s another problem before me. Which one? Before I received the mail, I was already searching for a new study. There doesn’t seem to be anything that interest me aside from the two I’ve chosen before. My logical mind is saying to do the one I know I can make it. The one with the ICT is somewhat unstable for me. I like it, but I don’t have the confidence to make it through the three years. I also don’t have that much of time anymore. School starts 1 September. Headache.

Aside from searching for new studies, the adviser and I went back to what went wrong all these years. Why it went wrong? We searched for the core of the problem. I always thought that the reason for failing was because I didn’t do much and because I was addicted to my laptop. That was part of the problem, but the main reason why I didn’t feel any motivation or had any interest to concentrate is because I’ve ADD. It did come as a surprise, because before Chronos5884 commented about ADHD/ADD, I didn’t even know that such a thing existed.

This week I have an appointed with a specialist in ADD. Although I don’t know what he/she will say, I plan to get the help I need. I need to combat my problems because I can’t continue like this. I’ve been doing nothing for four years already. It’s really time to get things straight.

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