The emperor's wife chapter 9

 Falling in love twice with the same girl

My love, Yeo Jing goo. Just like his character falling in love with Yeonwoo at first sight. Xuan Chen also fell for Ning Er at first sight. This chapter is about Xuan Chen’s thoughts. Hope you guys like it.

“This is Ming Kuang, Your Highness. He’s appointed by the emperor to be your new personal servant. I looked boringly at the boy before me. He can’t be much older than I am. Maybe twelve? Till when will he stick around me? All my personal servants before him sided with my brothers over time. When they switched side I fired them. Fu Huang (emperor father) thinks I’m immature because I fired them. I can care less about what they think of me. Everyone is jealous of me because Fu Huang has been doting on me more than my brothers. Every day I must worry about someone poisoning me or trying to kill me. Sometimes I just wish that Fu Huang will ignore me like he ignores some of his sons. Why dote on me when he doesn’t even know what goes around him?
He’s doting on me because my mother was his favorite consort. My mother died from hanging. To the world it was suicide. Only I and the culprit know that it wasn’t the case. I know that my mom didn’t commit suicide because the day before she told me that I’ll get a sibling. I was excited and so was she. How can she kill herself just after telling me she’s expecting a child? It doesn’t match.
It’s been four years since then. I learned to protect myself by pretending to be dumb. In fact I was trying to find the killer. But at ten, I had no power and without a mother even less. Nobody will support me. That’s why I’ve been studying at night and pretending to be dumb at day. I also learned to not let my feelings show. That’s why I always act cold. Even towards Fu Huang. I can’t help but keep my poker face around everyone. Since I began to pretend to be dumb the poisoning and assassination became less. They thought I wasn’t a threat anymore. But it didn’t stop completely because I’m the favored son.
One day the prime minister came to the palace with his daughter. A rare occasion because it’s prohibited. I think Fu Huang wanted to see his future daughter in law. We princes were studying. I was eating. The minister came to greet us. She looked at us with interest. Her gaze lingered on me. From her eyes I know that she’s mischievous. I don’t know why my heart beat faster when she looked at me. Then she smiled at us. It was as if the world has become brighter. I know then that I want her to bring more happiness to my empty life. She was beautiful even at the age of six. For the first time in my life I envied my brothers. Who is going to be her husband? I looked at each of them. No one was good enough for her.
Ming Kuang stayed at my side longer than I expected. I learned to trust him but I’m too proud to admit it. We have a deep bond with each other. Even without saying anything he knows what I’m thinking. He’s a man of little words like me.
Over the years I kept thinking about her. Her image is a blur now. What will she look like now? When Fu Huang appointed me to be the crown prince, my first thought was that I’ll be her husband. I was happy. Now at twenty-one I’m not happy at all with the engagement. Mainly because she’s the daughter of the prime minister. He wants his daughter to be queen and I to be  his puppet king. The father is so power-hungry. Can his daughter be better? I don’t even know if I will like her now. Her looks aren’t that important but her personality is. I don’t want a cruel queen for my people. I don’t want to be like Fu Huang. Useless against everyone. The only time that he did go against the minister’s wishes is when he appointed me as the crown prince. But he had the backing of the prime minister. He thought he can control me because I’m dumb. How wrong he is.
Since I became the crown prince, women keeps throwing themselves at me. I’ve had some ladies. I’m a virile man after all. I even liked one, before I realized how evil she is. Even though I liked her nobody has ever replaced the little girl in my heart. I was forced to take her as consort. She told her father that I seduced her. That lying bitch. I swore to myself to never touch her again. I’ll never trust a woman ever again. Besides I Don’t have time for women. There are so many things I need to do once i become king.
I decided to snuck out of the palace and see what the outside world is like. I didn’t like what I saw. The center of the capital is for rich people. There are villages with poor people, sick people, and beggars. Nobody helped them. Where does the funds for helping the sick and poor people goes to? Probably in the the officials’ own pocket. My blood is boiling just thinking about it.
Then I saw a beggar begging a Young Master for some money. The Young Master beat him for making his clothes dirty. I helped the beggar up and give the Young Master a beating, while Ming Kuang held his servants down.
“Do you know who I am?”
“I don’t care who you are.”
“I’ll remember this.”
“Please do.”
I walked away while dusting my clothes.
A few days later I saw a young lady beating a child. I went to stop her and grabbed her hand. She looked at me furiously. When I saw her, my breath struck. She’s beautiful. I don’t know why at that moment the image of the little girl came into my mind. I was about to reprimand her when I found out that it turned to be a misunderstanding. Now she wants to follow me. Is she one of those women who keeps throwing themselves at me? I don’t know why I let her. Something about her attracts me. She’s like no other that I’ve met. She’s lively, clumsy and mischievous. She doesn’t care to eat prettily. She just stuffed all the food in her stomach. I like the way that she wasn’t pretending. She’s funny to watch. Unconsciously I smiled so much when I’m with her. Sometimes Ming Kuang will caught me smiling. He’ll look at me like I’m crazy. I’ll turn my face back to a poker face.
That night I was playing my flute, thinking about the little girl. Will she grow up to be like the lady I met today? Will she be even more beautiful? I heard her walking towards me. I knew it was her because of her way of walking and when she’s close enough she has this flowery scent on her. The way she walk is unrestricted. I don’t remember if the little girl has bound feet. I wish she didn’t. Since I’ve met her I keep thinking about the little girl. Was it because I wish she was the little girl?
I tried to conceal my attraction by looking cold at her. She seems to be attracted to me like I’m to her. She also tried to conceal it but was unsuccessful. I wanted to tease her. She’s so adorable. I don’t want to hurt her that’s why I told her never to fall for me. I regretted it the moment it slipped my mouth. I know I can never have her, so I let her go.
On our way to Henan, Er Ge ( second brother) send someone to kill me. I’m cruel to those who are cruel to me. In my dictionary there’s no forgiveness. Everyone who make my life a hell, I’ll repay them hundred of times more. I didn’t want her to see this side of me. I was afraid that she’ll hate this side of me. Her horse ran away during the fight. It was hell having her ride with me. She was pressed so close against me. I kept having thoughts of undressing her. I must be going crazy. I was never so out of control.
The moment we arrived I got off the horse. I was suffocating. All of it went away when I saw her looking at the doll. My heart began to beat even more faster. Before I know what I was doing I gave her the doll. The first time in my life that I’ve been so nervous. I didn’t know where to look at.
We went to General Wei. I needed his support for demoting the prime minister. He’s getting too corrupt. Demoting the first minister will be my first step of letting people know that I’m not a puppet. It won’t be an easy task. He held most of the military power.
She went missing that night. I went crazy of worry. I searched and searched but still can’t find her. It’s already been two weeks since she’s missing. I prayed to Buddha to let her live. Then I’ll go save her. Just let her live. I’ve never believed in Buddha. Now I just wish that Buddha can help me. These two weeks have been really empty for me. For the first time in my life I cared. I realized that I’ve fallen in love with her.  I miss her. Please bring her back to me.

Comment: Personally I don’t believe in love at first sight. You can’t fall in love with someone you don’t know. Attraction is what I feel at first sight. But since we’re in fantasyland, all is possible.